Random rant

I hate my former employer.
Why? Keep reading…

 

My Salary

I thought my salary was OK, it wasn’t much but I thought since I lacked a formal education and was lacking experience working as a Programmer it was OK.
Now 4-5 months after I was fired I’ve started to look around. Looking more into the salary I received has been very upsetting. I’ve realised that my salary peaking at 2’350 € / Month was low for a programmer, so low that I’m now ashamed of letting people know.
I’ve had a word with the union that most programmers are member of (atleast I hope most are members with them) and I’ve used their salary-comparator tool on their website. I filled it out with as honest/modest responses that I could provide. It suggested that my salary should’ve been placed between something like 3’800€ – 4’300€ per month. Okey, lets subtract a bit since I lived 5 mins from where I worked in a very small town. And a bit more since I didn’t have a formal education. I still reckon that my salary should’ve been closer to 3’000€…

Knowing this I feel sick… Knowing how grossly underpaid I was really makes me not wanna work anymore.

 

My Workload

It was my first serious job so I thought the workload would of course be stressful, but I had no idea what was waiting.
Every day I’d be given a new assignment, sometimes I was lucky and was given a task that would take days and I was actually allowed to work for days on it. I was never given any time to “get into the zone” so I could easily code or solve my problems.
I think the origin of my depression is shortly the stress of moving to a new environment (I had to move 220 km in order to start my new job), starting a new job in a foreign part of the country. Starting with a salary I could barely sustain me and my girlfriend on doing a job that was very stressful.

I’m no longer surprised I suffer from a depression.

 

My resignition/dismissal

Yes I wasn’t the best employee.
Yet I have my rights. I had been sick for a year, suffering a depression and stress-related symptoms. I had an agreement with my employer that I was to let them know of any changes in my sickness / ability to work.
I met with my employer and a new doctor in October. After that meeting it was clear that as soon as something changed, I was to let my employer know. But for 2 months nothing happened. I was in the same state and even getting worse. I met with a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with medium-to-severe depression and sent me home. A week later I received my medical certificate (A week after my last one expired), I sent a copy to my employer as soon as I got it in my hand (It was delivered via mail). On the 19th of December my boss called my mobile, I missed the call and I decided not to call back (I knew my boss, he never answered his mobile and rarely his workphone). I thought I was going to get in contact with him after new years since I was out of town to celebrate christmas with my family.
Instead. when I returned home after new years I had a letter in my mailbox, it was my notice of resignition.. Dated the 22nd of December… Two days before christmas. I’m very happy I missed the call on the 19th, who would’ve loved such information a few days before christmas? (Yeah – Some may argue that if I had answered/called back I wouldn’t have been fired. But due to the circumstances, I know he was calling to inform me that they were terminating my employment)

 

I’m very aware that writing this kind of information about myself will certainly not help me get another job.
But to be honest. At the moment I couldn’t work even if I was healthy again.
The result of the topics above is that I’m very discouraged to search for a new job. Do I even dare to take another job now?
At the momeny I’m only alive due to the kindness of my family since I’m not receiving any benefits from the state. Don’t I live in a wonderful fucking country?

 

For the note. I would advise any programmer / developer to not take any employment with my former employer in Skåne Sweden (Contact me if you wish to know their name). As they pay way too low salaries, is run by a 30-35 yo with no management skills and they simply don’t care about their employees.

If you read this. I’m very grateful that you’ve read my entire story. What happened to me.
I’m not proud of my way of handling this, but it was the only way I could as I felt alone and like both the government and my employer was targeting me. Was picking on me.

Now my life is ruined and there’s simply no light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Day 37/365: A lot of changes

Lol omg. I did write the post for yesterday, but I forgot to save/publish it before I turned off my computer…

Anyway, to the point. We’ve decided to change things up a bit, we’ve seen the need for greater control later on in the project. We’ll therefore step away from java for this project and make a engine based on C++ and SDL library. I’ve coded Cpp before but it’s many years ago. It has slowly started coming back as I was experimenting the entire afternoon with it. Altough, we’ve had some issues with our IDE.

We’ve tested a lot of different IDE’s in a short time and we’re gonna test Visual studio a bit more, been a long time since I tried it.

Open letter to the high-level politicians & public: It’s time to take action

Hi. This is an open letter aimed at high-level politicians in Sweden and it is therefore mostly in Swedish. There’ll be an english translation below.

 

Hej,

Jag är 26 år. Jag har alltid levt i Sverige. Jag har alltid kännt mig stolt över mitt land, över vår konung och vår inställning till vår omvärld. Jag har alltid velat hjälpa den svage som den sanna svensk jag är. Ibland är det inte möjligt att göra detta själv.

Jag har självklart följt utvecklingen i Syrien och Irak. Det har varit svårt att undvika det utan att isolera mig själv.
Jag kan med handen över hjärtat säga att jag känner för dem som drabbats svårt, mina tankar vandrar till dem anhöriga som blivit kvarlämnade av dem som blivit brutalt avrättade av IS. Jag har sett videorna, varenda en, som IS publicerat på internet. Har NI gjort det? Det måste erkännas att jag haft väldigt svårt att se från start till slut. Att se hur offrens kroppar vrider sig i smärta sista sekunden innan skärmen blir svart. Det har givit mig mardrömmar, det går inte en dag utan att jag åtminstone ser ett av offrens ansikte när jag sluter mina ögon. Att känna sorgen i mitt hjärta över att det finns människor som går såhär långt.

Varför har jag tvingat mig själv att se videon när jag mår så pass dåligt av dem?
Det är inte för underhållningens skull, inte heller delar jag IS vision om världen. Inte heller för att jag blir upphetsad av att se människor plågas..
Det handlar om plikt. Det känns som att det enda rätta mot offren är att i.a.f. veta exakt hur dem avled. Veta deras historia och deras smärta och sprida den vidare. Det är min plikt som medmänniska.

Sedan jag hörde talas om den första avrättningen så har jag funderat, hur kan detta tillåtas ? Det är nu år 2015, sånt här betéende är oacceptabelt. Hur kan vi stå vid sidan om och se avrättning efter avrättning och inte göra något för att förhindra det? Behövs det att en svensk journalist, hjälparbetare eller sodat blir tillfångatagen innan vi börjar bry oss? Det är vår värld, vi lever på samma planet. Vår planet lider. Vi måste göra något.
Jag anser att vi inte bör gömma oss bakom vår neutralitet. För mig, att vi står neutralt vid sidan om och ser på är att vi accepterar det, accepterar att dem tillfångatar och avrättar oskyldiga människor. ÄR DET OKEJ!?!

 

Nej. Det är inte okej.
Jag anser att det är dags att vi tar ett steg ur mörkret, slutar gömma oss bakom vår kära mur som vi rest och hållit stående så länge.
Det är dags att föra dem ansvariga inför rätta, jag vill inte utkräva hämnd utan jag vill endast att dem som är ansvariga ska stå för sina handlingar.

Räck ut en hand till koalitionen! Erbjud dem Svenskt stöd! Visa att vi inte bara är ett land som gömmer sig när något pågår utanför våra gränser! Visa världen att det är dags att ta steget in i 2000-talet, ta steget in i ljuset där alla människor är lika!

 

English version:

Hi,

 

I’m 26 years old. I’ve been living in Sweden all my life. I’ve always had a certain pride for my country, for our king and our view on the rest of the world. I’ve always wanted to give a helping hand to the unfortunate like the true swede I am. Sometimes one hand is not enough.

Of course I’ve been following the development in Syria and Iraq. It’s hard to not since it involves the entire world. Including me.

I can hand over heart say that I feel for those who suffered greatly, my thoughts wander to those families who have been left by those who have been brutally executed by IS. I have seen the videos, every one which IS published on the internet. Have YOU? It must be recognized that I had a very difficult time watching them from start to finish. To see how the victims’ bodies writhing in pain the last second before the screen goes black. It has given me nightmares. There’s not a day without that I can at least see one of the victims face when I close my eyes. To feel the sorrow in my heart that there are people who are willing to go so far for their beliefs.

Why did I force myself to watch the videos when they make me feel so bad?
It wasn’t for entertainment nor do I share the world vision IS has. Nor do I feel excited when I see human suffering.
It’s all about duty. It feels like the right thing towards the victims is to at least know how they died. Know their history and their pain and pass it on. It is my duty as a human being.

Ever since I heard about the first execution I’ve been asking myself, how can this be allowed? It’s now year 2015, this kind of behaviour is not accetable. How can we stand to the side and watch murder after murder and not do anything to stop it? Does it require the life of a Swedish journalist, foreign aid worker or even soldier before we start caring? This is our world, we all share the same planet and our planet is suffering. We need to act.

I reckon we should not continue to hide behind our neutrality. To me, us standing neutral by the side and watching is the same as accepting, accepting that they capture/kidnap innocent people and later murdering them. IS THAT OKEY?!

 

No it is not okey.
I reckon it’s time to take a step out of the darkness, stop hiding behind our neutrality. It’s time to bring these criminals to justice. I do not want vengeance. I only want those who’re responsible brought to justice.

Reach out to the coalition! Offer them Swedish support! Show the world that we’re not a country that hides just cause it’s not happening within our borders! Show the world it’s time to take a step into the 2000s! Take a step into the light where all humans are equal.

It’s time to make the world safer, for us and our future descendants.

 

Zhoot

 

Day 34/365: Baha

Dammit. I did miss my deadline by 14 hours… grrr….

It happens though. I’m gonna make a total of 365 blog posts this year – I will miss a few on a day… 😦

Anyway. I did solve my issue finally – It’s a dirty solution so I’m gonna need to redo it. I’m gonna do that tomorrow.

I solved it by forcing one of the threads to wait a bit extra (10 ms), but I realized soon that this wouldn’t work very well on faster computers. I was correct. It didn’t.

So tomorrow. I’m gonna sit down and rewrite some of it to make it more stable and reliable…

Magnets, huh ?

Day 31/365: Tired

Omfg. I’ve not felt this tired for ages.
I got some proof that I’m starting to feel better now. I managed to drive further without being at risk for falling a sleep.
You really shouldn’t drive when you’re too tired though, I know that. I make sure that I always have a co-driver with me that is able to take over in case I’d feel super tired or start behaving dangerously. I need to push my limit of what I’m able to do to be able to keep pushing my limit ahead of me.

Now. Time for bed, time for rest and tomorrow I’m gonna continue on my project.

Day 30/365

( I know I’m 1 day late. I’m sorry for this :()

 

January is almost over. It’s hard to believe that 1/12th of this year has already passed by… Feels like it was yesterday we celebrated new years eve…
So far January has been really hard to me. It’s been filled with sadness, desperation and confusion. I sincerly hope for a better February.