Random rant

I hate my former employer.
Why? Keep reading…

 

My Salary

I thought my salary was OK, it wasn’t much but I thought since I lacked a formal education and was lacking experience working as a Programmer it was OK.
Now 4-5 months after I was fired I’ve started to look around. Looking more into the salary I received has been very upsetting. I’ve realised that my salary peaking at 2’350 € / Month was low for a programmer, so low that I’m now ashamed of letting people know.
I’ve had a word with the union that most programmers are member of (atleast I hope most are members with them) and I’ve used their salary-comparator tool on their website. I filled it out with as honest/modest responses that I could provide. It suggested that my salary should’ve been placed between something like 3’800€ – 4’300€ per month. Okey, lets subtract a bit since I lived 5 mins from where I worked in a very small town. And a bit more since I didn’t have a formal education. I still reckon that my salary should’ve been closer to 3’000€…

Knowing this I feel sick… Knowing how grossly underpaid I was really makes me not wanna work anymore.

 

My Workload

It was my first serious job so I thought the workload would of course be stressful, but I had no idea what was waiting.
Every day I’d be given a new assignment, sometimes I was lucky and was given a task that would take days and I was actually allowed to work for days on it. I was never given any time to “get into the zone” so I could easily code or solve my problems.
I think the origin of my depression is shortly the stress of moving to a new environment (I had to move 220 km in order to start my new job), starting a new job in a foreign part of the country. Starting with a salary I could barely sustain me and my girlfriend on doing a job that was very stressful.

I’m no longer surprised I suffer from a depression.

 

My resignition/dismissal

Yes I wasn’t the best employee.
Yet I have my rights. I had been sick for a year, suffering a depression and stress-related symptoms. I had an agreement with my employer that I was to let them know of any changes in my sickness / ability to work.
I met with my employer and a new doctor in October. After that meeting it was clear that as soon as something changed, I was to let my employer know. But for 2 months nothing happened. I was in the same state and even getting worse. I met with a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with medium-to-severe depression and sent me home. A week later I received my medical certificate (A week after my last one expired), I sent a copy to my employer as soon as I got it in my hand (It was delivered via mail). On the 19th of December my boss called my mobile, I missed the call and I decided not to call back (I knew my boss, he never answered his mobile and rarely his workphone). I thought I was going to get in contact with him after new years since I was out of town to celebrate christmas with my family.
Instead. when I returned home after new years I had a letter in my mailbox, it was my notice of resignition.. Dated the 22nd of December… Two days before christmas. I’m very happy I missed the call on the 19th, who would’ve loved such information a few days before christmas? (Yeah – Some may argue that if I had answered/called back I wouldn’t have been fired. But due to the circumstances, I know he was calling to inform me that they were terminating my employment)

 

I’m very aware that writing this kind of information about myself will certainly not help me get another job.
But to be honest. At the moment I couldn’t work even if I was healthy again.
The result of the topics above is that I’m very discouraged to search for a new job. Do I even dare to take another job now?
At the momeny I’m only alive due to the kindness of my family since I’m not receiving any benefits from the state. Don’t I live in a wonderful fucking country?

 

For the note. I would advise any programmer / developer to not take any employment with my former employer in Skåne Sweden (Contact me if you wish to know their name). As they pay way too low salaries, is run by a 30-35 yo with no management skills and they simply don’t care about their employees.

If you read this. I’m very grateful that you’ve read my entire story. What happened to me.
I’m not proud of my way of handling this, but it was the only way I could as I felt alone and like both the government and my employer was targeting me. Was picking on me.

Now my life is ruined and there’s simply no light at the end of the tunnel.

 

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Inactivity

Hey,

Activity has been really low here on my blog since Ludum dare in august.
I’d like to apologize for that. The reason is simply that my health has deteriorated a lot. I’ve been feeling very fatigue and generally tired.
I’ve been seeing doctors about it but they all say/do the same thing… Take a few tests, ask me about my habbits (eating, exercising & sugar intake). Then they progress by telling me to sleep & exercise more. Or in some cases, they give me sleeping pills (even tho I tell the doctor that I sleep generally between 6-8 hours per night, so the amount of sleep isn’t the reason. It must be the quality of my sleep…).

After they’ve done all this, they send me home and tlel me to rest.

 

I’ve never felt so lonely since no one seems to understand what I’m going through.
Every morning it’s a struggle to get out of bed. Every day it’s a struggle to stay focused at work. It’s a struggle to even be at work.

 

Bottom line is… I’ve not been able to keep posting since I’m not feeling that good. I’ll start posting more when I feel better…